Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
I haven't updated in a long time because I had really gotten into my craft work and was working on getting a decent amount of merchandise together for my first craft fair, which was on October 10, 2009. It went alright. I sold 8 items. The women around me who were regular craft fair sellers told me not to feel discouraged because this fair was one where most people looked and didn't buy. I was told every fair is different and that I should keep on trying. I plan on doing more. I'm trying to figure out how to make my stuff stand out more from other jewelry makers.
Since I've last posted I've had some medication changes. I've stopped taking Fluoxetine and am now taking Cymbalta. I think it's been helping a little bit. I'm still on 4 Hydrocodone a day to help with controlling my pain. I've also been prescribed Clonazepam by 2 of my docs for 2 different reasons. So it's nice to work on 2 things with one med. My family doc prescribed it as needed for anxiety (I'll explain that one in a second) and my pain doc prescribed it as needed for my Restless Leg Syndrome that I get in my arms.
The anxiety happens to me a lot especially in traffic situations where I'm a passenger in the car. But, every few months my pain gets so intense I start to feel like I could be dying. It's not a "I've been shot and I know I'm dying" anxiety, it's more of an afterthought in the back of my head while being in so much pain that I wonder if I'll wake up in the morning. Those are really bad nights for me. The pain and anxiety gets so bad it gets harder to breathe and it's all very intense. It's the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes when it happens I'll get scared even more because I don't want to die....other times I feel a bit content knowing that at least if I'm going to go that I'm lying next to the one I love. To be in a state of mind where you feel like you could be dying in horrible....it's a terrible thing to consider death and life like that once every few months. I can't even describe it to you well.
Now that winter's coming, My body is more achy than ever. I've been wearing long underwear or leggings for months already. It's cold out here in Wisconsin! My poor cousin who's used to California weather is now going to school in Chicago....he thinks it's cold now.....just wait....hah. Poor guy. I'm excited that he's close now though, it'll give us more chances to hang out and get to know each other better.
I hope my site helps others. I've learned of 2 other girls back home, who're my age, who have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia or similar ailments and I hope that I've been able to help them out some. It feels like there are so few of us to get this disease at a younger age. Mine was triggered in a car accident 2 months before my 20th birthday.
As for my crafts, I want to get to the point where I can sell off of my blog http://leelabean.blogspot.com , but I need to figure all that stuff out. Hopefully a friend of mine who works in web design can help me out with that.
All of you who have Fibro or a similar ailment, I hope you have or soon find a hobby or something that you can be passionate about to keep your going on your difficult days. Fibromyalgia can be a very lonely experience and we need to have our "go to" activities to keep us going through some days. Take care everyone!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I just finished filling out a packet for my claim for Social Security Disability. It’s like the lawsuit I went through….having to detail how much life has changed and become so much more difficult. I hear that they deny nearly everyone the first time. It’s so sad and irritating how people fake their injuries and make it more difficult for those who really are suffering. It’s very hard to think about and not begin to cry. Maybe I need to consider some serious writing to a representative or even Mr. Obama. Something has to be done who help those suffering from chronic pain every day in their lives. It’s a challenging existence. I just thank God that I have such a supportive and loving family.
On a positive note, I am very happy to report that Nate and I picked up our dachshund puppy, Cooper. He’s a joy (and a little irritating at night with all the crying, but he’s just a baby….hah). We’re crazy about him and he’s been good for me.
Is he not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?! Such a doll!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
This type of flare-up and pain is just one of the many combinations of symptoms I can get. Another type I can think of to describe is the slow throbbing type. It's like feeling a slow bass beat throughout your body while you have flu-like aches. *bum* *bum* *bum* Other pains throughout the body are like pin-pricks that migrate from ankle, to shoulderblade, to knuckle, to rib.....all over. Some are stabbing that can double you over. They hit like a flash of lightning and as you find yourself bent over from the pain you wonder what just happened. Still other pain can be a constant dull companion that keeps whispering in your ear that it's there. There's a pain that I get pretty regularly around my rib cage and when it happen it feels like there are small thorns on my ribs and as I breathe, the muscles surrounding my rib cage get caught and drag against them as my ribcage expands. Another pain is like a charlie-horse, but you can get it anywhere....even your neck. Sometimes it feels literally like your muscle will tear....even though it hasn't. The "fibro fog" that is a symptom of fibromyalgia, makes my head feel clouded, dizzy, light, distant. I forget things, space out, bump into things.
And now, as my insomnia and restless leg syndrome meds kick in I know that it's time to get to bed. I know that when my meds kick in, that all discussions of anything that need to be remembered (such as a to-do item for the next day) should not be had....because, chances are, I won't remember it.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I've also been working at setting up a group on Facebook for my artwork and crafts, as well as a blog for them. I wish I knew more about the internet and web design. Thank God for free web templates and layouts!
It's been a long time since I've seen any of my doctors due to the move and stress and pain. I see my pain management doc on Monday, though, which is good and overdue. I took a nap for what ended up to be 2 1/2 hours today. I know docs say that folks with insomnia should avoid taking naps, and yet I take one nearly every day. I can't help it. I love my naps. They save me. I take the largest dose of Ambien CR as well as Requip at night which should knock me out, but it's still always "if-ee" if I'll actually sleep ok or not. Hoping for an "ok" night sleep is pushing it. When you've tried as many pain meds as I have, they tend not to affect you as much as they do the "every day" person. I'm even taking 3 Vicodin a day for pain control. This is like taking Tylenol or Aleve for other folks. When I say that I'm in pain, I'm not exaggerating.
All in all, life is good. Days can be long and difficult, but I have my art, crafts, family, friends, and critters to get me through it. Fibromyalgia has also given me a different perspective on life. It definately makes you set your priorities. I've learned that if I have to seem a bit rude or standoffish to better care for myself, than I need to do that and not feel so horrible about it. I try not to be rude though. Just because I'm in pain all the time doesn't give me the right to be mean to people. The one thing that I still desperately need to work on is fitness. I've been given a home exercise program and I haven't been doing it. It's hard to push myself to do even 15 minutes on the bike when I'm hurting and so dang tired. But I need to convince myself that the effort will be worth it...and I'm going to be hurting no matter what....so I might as well take better care of myself physically. When we get Cooper, I'm definately going to be taking several walks a week which will be great. Maybe I should try to get back into Wii Fit. I did really enjoy that while I did it. It just got a bit old after a while. "Stop making excuses, Linz, and move your butt!"
Goodnight everyone! I hope you're already having sweet dreams or are on your way there.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
What do you do to help with cope with your day to day pain?